Awarded 2nd Place in the 2020 Premiere Theatre Playwriting Competition at William & Mary for a play titled "Live From a Concept of Home." Below is an excerpt from the play, which is told in half-monologue stand-up comedy, half-scene.
Scene 1
We open on a dark stage. DANA is standing center stage in all of this darkness. The play is told in half stand-up comedy and half scene. A single spotlight appears, hovering over DANA. DANA stands in front of a mic stand, her hand holding a microphone. She addresses the audience. Although we cannot see it, the stage is set up with two desks with chairs in front of it. As DANA talks to the audience, she makes her way over to one of the desks.
DANA
I come from a mixed family. Now, what does that mean exactly? I feel like half of you are picturing like a swingers’ party with just a bowl of wet pacifiers and parents just picking one at random and taking home a stranger’s baby.
Which is exactly what I’m talking about.
No, I’m from a family where my mom is Indian and my dad is white. So, what am I? Well, when a man loves a woman… no, I’m half-Indian, half-white. And so I look like this. Which isn’t much of anything. I mean, I don’t look like anything in particular. Maybe Hispanic, maybe… Israeli? Maybe just a really bad spray tan.
This is true. This is true. The first time I got my blood drawn, I gave this lady like 3 to… 20 tubes of blood – I don’t know. I’m not a doctor, okay? And I started to feel really faint because I gave this lady 6 to 45 tubes of blood. And so I run into the bathroom. And I look into the mirror and immediately throw up. It wasn’t the idea of blood that scared me or needles or the smell of plastic gloves – does that weird anyone else out? – no, it was the fact that I looked white. This lady had taken my Indian! You always hear about injustices against people of color, but you never expect to be in that situation. I’m kidding, of course.
But I mean, being mixed does come with its challenges. I mean, look at me. Would your first thought be Indian? I am constantly a victim of the “where are you from? No, really, where are you from?” But it does come with its benefits. If anyone comes up to me for literally anything, whether it be someone asking me to be a donor to a cause I’ve never heard of or… someone asking me to be a donor to a cause I’ve never heard of, I can easily get out of it.
You just speak plain gibberish. Let me demonstrate:
[in a high-pitched voice] Hi, would you like to sponsor impregnated whales?
Lo siento, hilo ito, feliz navidad, queloito no tengo una persona por favor.
And then I walk away.
[in a high-pitched voice] Oh okay! (Pause) Did she just say ‘Merry Christmas’ in Spanish?
DANA (CONT’D)
It works every time. This is stuff that white people could never get away with.
(looking to the side and walking behind the left most desk. LEWIS enters the stage in the dark and sits in his chair behind his desk)
Well, that’s my time! My name is Dana Wilson! Thank you and goodnight!
(DANA sits behind the desk)
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