For Everything But...'s October 2020 issue, I designed and lead the whole publication, while also writing a comedic satire piece. The story in original format can be found here.
Hey, Craig! Quick question: Do you remember the office? You know, that place you used to go for 8 hours a day while I would soak in our bathtub and let the stress and the unfinished business of my immortal existence drift away?
Honestly, this whole ‘social distancing’ at home thing has gone on a little longer than I can take. And I know, I know: it’s COVID-19, and you’re staying home to protect others, but Craig, you’re not even following precautions. If you’re going to pretend to social distance, don’t throw a breadmaking party with 20 of your closest friends, take pictures of your brioche, and post them on Instagram with #SunsOutBunsOut. That’s right: I’m the one who knocked Kimberly’s freshly baked banana bread right out of her hands and I will not apologize for it. When I tried to bring out the tape measure to demonstrate that you weren’t staying 6 feet away from each other, you shut the kitchen doors and lined all the windows and doors with salt. I had to stay outside, humming a lively dirge to myself for 2 full hours.
I understand pandemics – I truly do. I mean, how do you think I died? It was a cloudy Thursday in 1918 and I slipped on a banana peel while reading the news coverage of the influenza crisis.
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