I don’t want to make a big deal about it, but while everyone has been freaking out about the Nintendo Switch, I’m ~different~ and I’ve been reconnecting with my old Nintendo DS Lite. You know, this one:
Remember it? The one you begged your parents to get you while in line at Best Buy? You would bring it on the bus for field trips in elementary and middle school and someone with a Mario Kart game would sync up their game and everyone would join in? And I can’t even begin to explain the hype pictochats back in the day. When I was a kid, the split screen and touch screen aspect felt revolutionary. Until, of course, I got an iPod Touch and kind of forgot all about it.
But the best part about having a Nintendo DS was that I would bring it to day-long dress rehearsals for dance and we would all crowd around, watching people take turns at Cooking Mama. It was so much fun that I ended up storing my Nintendo in my dance bag… for maybe 9 years.
After I found my High School Musical game pouch while cleaning my room, I decided it was time to dig the thing out. It almost doesn’t smell like feet anymore!
While everyone in my generation is trying to sell their DS on eBay since none of the new games work on the platform, I have done the opposite. Instead, I have scoured the internet and spent an embarrassing amount of money on new games circa the early 2010s, since my collection was pretty embarrassingly Disney Channel-based. Currently, I have around 15 games, although, for some reason, I can’t get my DS to play GameBoy games anymore, so Zoey 101 is heartbreakingly ruled out.
What I love about the Nintendo DS is not just that it makes me feel like an elementary school student where my only real worries are multiplication tables, but also, as someone with De Quervain's Tenosynovitis, the platform actually doesn’t cause me much pain. With my chronic pain, I have trouble with anything involving my thumb, so that means gripping, pushing, etc. Especially with overuse, my right hand, being my dominant hand, is basically always in pain. However, what I love about the Nintendo DS is that most of the games rely heavily on the weird little stylus that is so lightweight that I barely have to grip it and the control pad, which is located on the left side, so that my less fucked-up hand is more used. It’s kind of perfect? With apps on the iPhone, I find that a lot of it is thumb-based, so it’s pretty difficult for me to use. And I’ve found that the Wii is so movement-based that I can’t expect to play bowling on the Wii Play and be a functional human being for the next week or so. Therefore, the Nintendo DS is the perfect platform for me… it just means that I’m stuck with terrible graphics, but I’m not fussy.
One thing that I’ve found is that I am so much better at video games as an adult. I literally SUCKED at everything in middle school. There are some games here that I have now finished within hours that I never made it past LEVEL ONE as a child. Which is why I spent so much of my time with my Nintendogs instead of playing actually interesting games. Although I might do a formal review of some of these games, since I have a lot of opinions, here are my rankings and thoughts on all 14 of my games, in case one of the last surviving people to have a Nintendo DS stumbles upon this blog:
Source: Being a child
As you could probably tell from the High School Musical game pouch, I was a huge High School Musical fan back in the day: I watched the premieres of all of the films, I went to the High School Musical concert (with Drew Seeley filling in for Zac Efron), I have a High School Musical poster in my room, we had four different High School Musical themed board games, and I even had a High School Musical birthday party where we played ‘Pin the Kiss on Troy Bolton.’ So it pains me to announce this, but this game SUCKS. The basics of this game are that Sharpay has signed up Ryan, Gabriella, Troy, Chad, Taylor, and herself up for a national music competition and you have to compete at each level. However, the gang is also dealing with issues like Taylor thinking that Chad is cheating on her and Sharpay having trouble sleeping, which leads to great dialogue like this:
But we don’t really influence these storylines at all. We just get four slides of dialogue and then we move on! For the game part, you dance along to songs by clicking on circles when they turn green. It’s honestly pretty boring.
Pros: Nostalgia? Learning that Gabriella sleeps with a white noise machine?
Cons: Incredibly easy and you don’t even get to really watch the animation because you are too busy trying to make sure the characters don’t fall on their asses. It really doesn’t work with the split screen.
Pain scale: 0/5 Crème Brulees. Most of it is stylus based!
Overall gaming experience: .5/5 cookies that Zeke makes that Sharpay says are the best things she’s ever tasted but then proceeds to throw them on the floor in the end credits scene of the first film.
13. Hannah Montana
Source: Being a child
Okay so at this point, you may assume that I'm a little biased against my Disney Channel games and you are 100% right. Maybe if I was a kid again and experiencing these games along with watching the shows, I might be more into it. But honestly, my other games geared at kids have just aged so much better.
This game is interesting! Basically, we start out with Robby Ray Stewart telling Miley that an anonymous note was left for her, saying that they now Miley Stewart is really Hannah Montana! Gasp! And then he tells her to just go to school like nothing happened. This note threatened to spread her secret. Why are you telling your teenage daughter to solve this mystery, Robert? Go to the FBI or something!
Pros: Honestly, the story isn't half bad.
Cons: Movement in this game is just super awkward. Plus, it looks like this:
Pain scale: 1/5 cheap blonde wigs (mostly stylus based)
Overall gaming experience: 1.5/5 Sweet Niblets. (I'm trying to be strict with my ratings here, people.)
Source: Being a child
Evidently, one Hannah Montana game was not enough for me because I have a second one! This was always my favorite Hannah Montana game and I see why! Instead of a creepy stalkery story line, we have Miley Stewart dealing with some massive competition. In her life as Hannah Montana, she's getting competition in the pop world from Savannah Starr, a new singer with hit songs and the ability to play her own instruments. But as Miley, Miley is also dealing with her best friend, Lilly, getting close with a new girl, named Josie Moore. Miley has to beat Savannah through music videos and performances, while also devoting time to her friendship with Lilly.
Pros: Movement and graphics are both a lot better in this game. Also, the storyline isn't bad. Plus, the ice skating game is *chef's kiss* Unlike the High School Musical game, Hannah Montana lets you see yourself perform.
Cons: Some badly written dialogue. There isn't that much to do though so you finish an act after just putting up like one poster.
Pain scale: 3/5 glittery outfits (split between stylus and control pad)
Overall gaming experience: 1.8/5 Ohhh Woah woah yeahhhs
Source: Being a child
I know. I wanted this to be further up the list too, but it just. was. not. it. We follow some of the story of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but the game is so bogged down by mini games that the storyline almost does not matter at all. Movement is awkward and you almost can never move because Hermione or Ron are standing completely in the way, and it's like stupefy bitch get out of my way. Honestly, a pretty frustrating experience.
Pros: It's magical.
Cons: Once you finish the storyline, you have to play what feels like hundreds of mini games that I suppose you were supposed to finish along the way, but no one informed you of that. I'm sorry but I don't want to do the same divination lesson 8 times in the row. Plus, the potions classes are so bad because you have to blow into your microphone (sorry. During the time of the pandemic, no one should use my DS at this point) but you have to really blow, like you will get lightheaded. I started just putting my hair dryer on cool and blowing that into the mic, which does work.
Pain scale: 2/5 Grims (mostly stylus but the amount of control pad use did hurt a tiny bit)
Overall gaming experience: 2/5 Gobstones (honestly there was so much potential here.)
10. Marvel Super Hero Squad
Source: Amazon (I know. I'm sorry.)
Thank goodness I only spent around $6 on this because it was yet another letdown. Basically, you get 6 superheroes: Iron Man, Silver Surfer, Hulk, Wolverine, Falcon and Thor. Doctor Doom is trying to get all 6 fractals to create the Infinity Sword and you are trying to get them before he does. Honestly, levels are pretty quick and easy and there isn't really any fun in replaying them.
Pros: Superheroes? Features the Hulk?
Cons: Pretty repetitive
Pain scale: 3.5/5 Hulk smashes (very little stylus use)
Overall gaming experience: 2.3/5 arrows that Falcon takes into battle and then he's done for the day. Not necessarily worth shelling out money for.
9. Cooking Mama
Source: Being a child
I know, I know. In what world does Cooking Mama beat out Harry Potter and Marvel? But there's so many options! From miso soup to spaghetti bolognese, Mama teaches you how to cook everything! Just... don't get her angry...
I always liked how she says 'don't worry' like Mama, I don't mean to worry you, but your eyes are on fire. Your eyebrows must be WRECKED, dude.
Pros: Straight forward, a lot of options, and back in the day, having this game made you the COOLEST.
Cons: It's not the most fun thing to play over and over again; it gets old easily. And some of the ripping off heads of shrimp is a little extreme. Plus, this bitch puts ketchup on everything? And it kind of makes me uncomfortable? I also still don't know how to cook in real life, so thanks Mama.
Pain scale: 0/5 rice in omelets (all stylus based! Beautiful!)
Overall game experience: 2.7/5 eyelashes Mama has left after all that fire. Don't get me wrong - it's a fun game! It's just a little boring?
8. Nintendogs
Source: Being a child
This was my very first Nintendo game, and I've been away so long that I think my Nintendogs thought I died. I was never allowed a dog, except for this one robo-dog named Techno that did absolutely nothing, so Nintendogs was a real game changer for me. (UPDATE: I totally forgot that you can leave your dogs at a hotel and they have just been there for 9 years. Also, now all my dogs are afraid of sticks. Did I do this?) You get to raise dogs, train them, take them for walks, pick up their shit, etc. These are my dogs:
Peach is an absolute idiot and cannot catch a disc to save his life, but it's okay. (UPDATE: He's also shit at agility training so I put him in the hotel)
Pros: It's DOGS. You can't help but love it.
Cons: Not that much to do. There aren't really missions or anything. It's kind of the same deal as Cooking Mama with being repetitive, except I actually feel loved by my dogs. I think I'm one poorly chopped onion away from Mama putting me inside a fried gyoza.
Pain scale: 0/5 weird Archie Hubbs-isms (all stylus based, bby!)
Overall gaming experience: 3/5 pizza discs. I love my dogs.
7. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box
Source: Gamestop
This is particularly upsetting because most of the friends who have been following my Nintendo obsession know how hard it was for me to track down this game. I had an Amazon order (ew) and then the supplier backed out (ew.) I was trying to have a Professor Layton moment for myself, but it just wasn't worth the hype? Like yes, it's fun, but it's also kind of boring. And maybe I'm stupid, but I feel like some of these riddles just don't make logical sense, so I find myself Googling things, which makes me feel like a cheater, which makes me SCREAM. Sigh. I mean it's not a bad game, but I expected more. The plot is basically that Professor Layton's mentor, Dr. Schrader, obtains the Elysian Box. The myth is that this box will kill anyone who opens it. When Layton and his 'young apprentice', Luke, visit Dr. Schrader, they find him unconscious and the box missing.
Pros: Riddle-based, good story, different from other games on the market
Cons: Kind of boring. A lot of the puzzles don't feel like they contribute to the overall story so I feel like we don't stay on track at all. Like Professor Layton's pal is unconscious but yes let's hear about the puzzle this reminded you of. There is a TIME and a PLACE, sir. I would assume it's not the best game to repeat, so it's kind of a one-time deal. Also, the relationship between Professor Layton and this small boy seems weird, no?
Pain scale: .5/5 small child detectives (basically all stylus use)
Overall gaming experience: 3.1/5 "I think I've got it"s
6. Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games
Source: Gamestop
I'll be perfectly honest: I think this game would have a higher rating if I wasn't absolutely terrible at it. The person who had this game before me was so. much. better. I'm only okay at the figure skating? Maybe because of my training with the Hannah Montana: Music Jams game? Basically, it's a game inspired by the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. There are a bunch of different options like curling, figure skating, luge, etc. I'm just really bad at any games that are overly control pad-based.
Pros: A lot of options, a Mario game!
Cons: Actually difficult? At least for me? But maybe that's a good thing?
Pain scale: 4/5 Mario jokes I got as a child (thanks for the name, Mom & Dad!) (pretty control pad-heavy)
Overall gaming experience: 3.5/5 Luigi jokes that my sister didn't have to experience, which isn't fair.
5. Sims 2
Source: Being a child
I would want to post a longer review on this one because this game is freaking weird. There's a reason why Reddit thinks this game is secretly a horror game parading as the Sims.
Basically, you have some car trouble, land in Strangetown, and they explain that their last hotel manager just quit so you have to take over the job. Like um no? Why don't you just fix my car? It's this weird town where it's completely surrounded by sand that drains your energy if you even attempt to run away. Everyone just gets drunk, hangs out in your hotel, and pees on your floor. You have to deal with weird tenants like a crime boss and an evil robot? Oh and did I mention that the town is constantly dealing with alien invasions... that YOU have to fight off with either a water gun or a rat suit. Yeah.
Pros: Weird af. An interesting storyline.
Cons: It's actually pretty quick to finish and then you're just doing general hotel maintenance for the rest of the game, which is fairly boring. Especially because you are expected to cheer up sad guests, calm down angry guests, sober up drunk guests (they call them 'loopy' but we know what's up), and make out with romantic guests. YEAH. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? DOES #METOO NOT EXIST IN STRANGETOWN.
Sometimes I get annoyed with guys constantly trying to kiss me in the game so I spray them with water guns.
At times, you have to wait for a while for the construction guy to build extra hotel rooms. You can cheat and move the time ahead on your DS but then that causes an alien invasion so who knows?
Basically, it's a Sims game that is absolutely not a Sims game because you can create your character (mine is named "WHAT") but then that's kind of it? There's no creating a family, an imaginary relationship, etc.
Pain scale: 4/5 alien organs I have to dissect (It's pretty control pad heavy, but there is stylus use. However, this is the only game I've seen that also uses the Right and Left buttons on the DS, which is an added hand strain)
Overall gaming experience: 3.7/5 times the mayor's office catches on fire and I have to go at it with a water gun when there should be PEOPLE FOR THIS.
4. LEGO Batman
Source: Gamestop
Obviously, the Lego games are amazing and they genuinely hold up. As quoted in the Wikipedia article I found because I have no brain power anymore: "Batman's most dangerous foes have all escaped from Arkham Asylum and divided themselves into three groups of five, each led by a well-known villain with plans to achieve a personal goal." We see villains like Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, Catwoman, Harley Quinn, and the Joker, which is always fun. What I really like about the Lego games is that you can just break EVERYTHING. Like the Joker is about to blow up a Cathedral but hold up, Imma break all his shit first.
Pros: Good length levels, always a lot to do, always a lot to break. Very replayable.
Cons: Very very easy. It goes by pretty fast because there's not much thinking involved. Basically, the way that you find all the different assembly pieces guides you on how you're supposed to get from one point to another. There wasn't really a point where I had to look up walkthroughs or anything. It was super straight forward, which can be good! There is a story, but it's kind of hard to follow because it's all in picture format, which leaves a lot to be missed.
Pain scale: 4/5 Batarangs (I'll be honest. This one hurt a little. It's very control pad heavy, which can be problematic.)
Overall gaming experience: 4/5 times I died falling into green goo.
3. LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Series
Source: Amazon (sorry!!!)
Following all of the movies (obviously not the newest ones), there's a LOT to do in LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Series. Plus, it's Star Wars AND LEGO. Unlike the Batman game, it follows the storyline of the movies, so there isn't an original story. However, I actually found that this one was a bit more challenging than the Batman game, since there are a bunch of different options and ways you can complete things or get sidetracked by things. Plus, the bosses were actually somewhat challenging. Unlike Batman where you are maybe facing 2 goons and then they die and you're left alone, for a lot of Star Wars, you're constantly dealing with people shooting at you.
Pros: So so worth the money. There is a LOT of content here. It's a lot less straightforward than LEGO Batman. Plus, since you're dealing with a Star Wars word scroll, you understand the storyline better. Very replayable.
Cons: Can get a little lost with all the passageways and doors opening up, but honestly probably the biggest problem was that the lightsabers are really hard to use and you need some space to swing it. But your little computer-controlled sidekick gets so close to you. I probably killed Obi-Wan a good 100 times because that boy would not give me space.
Pain scale: 4/5 beheaded Obi-Wans (same as LEGO Batman)
Overall gaming experience: 4.3/5 adorable little R2-D2 screams, which maybe I shouldn't find adorable?
2. Scooby-Doo! First Frights
Source: Gamestop
Okay this is kind of a controversial pick because Scooby-Doo! First Frights is clearly trying to be a LEGO game, and it's somehow better? I'm so sorry - please don't come for me. Basically, the whole concept is exactly the same: you can break things and instead of getting little LEGO studs, you get Scooby snacks. And you are always working with two characters who you can trade off between and each of these characters have special movement skills, like going through Scooby doors or climbing up pipes. The Mystery Inc. goes on new mysteries and you get to decide who is responsible by the end.
Pros: Actually challenging. I've found a lot of the LEGO games to be pretty straight forward on movement. In this game, you genuinely have to jump from ledge to ledge and spinning wheel to spinning wheel, and it's somewhat difficult. The bosses are also AWESOME.
Cons: It's easy to figure out the identity of the masked villain. (Because, you know, it's for children) And the graphics look like this:
They really did Fred dirty and he doesn't even have an ascot!
Pain scale: 4/5 "Ruh Rohs" (basically the same as the LEGO games)
Overall gaming experience: 4.7/5 "Let's split up, gang." Why was this Fred's catchphrase? That's a terrible catchphrase.
1. Narnia: Prince Caspian
Source: Being a child
Okay so you're telling me I had the perfect game this whole time and didn't even make it past the FIRST TASK? Smh. Basically, we follow the story line of Prince Caspian with Caspian trying to escape his Uncle Miraz, meeting up with the Pevensie siblings, and then trying to save the kingdom of Narnia from corrupt rule. You have battles, a storyline, ogres, really everything. Also, the graphics aren't bad! Pretty simplistic, but not bad at all.
Pros: Somewhat challenging, each battle is like 5 mini games at once, good story, less emphasis on the Susan/Prince Caspian relationship, like it SHOULD BE.
Cons: A little repetitive, no real purpose for spells and potions you collect, since the game can easily be finished without them, somewhat fast gameplay.
Pain scale: 2/5 Turkish Delights worth selling your whole family to an ice queen (basically all stylus use - EVEN MOVEMENT. AND IT'S NOT JERKY)
Overall gaming experience: 5/5 Aslans not coming in until the LAST FREAKING SECOND. Bruh, just stay close.
Brb going back to the Hannah Montana game now.
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