How I would describe hand physical therapy is it's a cross between real group therapy and prison. Why I describe it as real therapy is typically you sit in a circle and awkwardly stare at each other until someone says something. Why I describe it as prison is because there's some eventual time when someone will turn to you and say "What are you in for?" And then there's one guy in the corner who's been there for YEARS and just doesn't say anything. And cigarettes are currency.
Hand physical therapy is also demeaning as hell. You get to watch all of the leg and knee people on treadmills or squatting with an exercise ball, and we lift one pound weights and punch the occasional green putty. And we are both sweating.
I think hand physical therapy is also weird because it's something you literally can't do to yourself. Maybe if you have a leg injury, you could massage it with your hands. Or even if you have just one hand injury, you could massage it with your other hand. But when you have two hands injured, you're kind of up shit's creek. I can't even tell you, Reader, how many times I've been told by therapists that I should "massage myself" at home. Ok but with what though? My foot? If I massage my hand with one hand, then that hand ends up in pain so then I have to massage the other hand that was just massaged and... you get it.
Another area of confrontation is ACE tape. This is how I was instructed to apply it:
Honestly kind of a look right?
Well, the physical therapist said applying it was EASY. All you needed to do was hold the tape with two hands and then press it onto the skin- some of you may have already clued in that this is IMPOSSIBLE. WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THE THIRD HAND? Do I use my teeth? What's up??
Sigh. I just shrug it off and go back to poker with the boys. I owe a guy some cigarettes.
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