Okay let's skip the foreplay: I can't move my left thumb. Like almost at all. I could pretend getting a job did this to me, but it's mainly LEGO Star Wars.
While I have almost full range of movement on my right side (I mean, kind of as good as it gets for me), I can't support my left thumb at all without support. Therefore, I have to wear this super uncomfortable brace during the day and at night, which gets incredibly sweaty:
It has this possibly metal rod that supports my thumb, so that I can just barely wiggle the top. And then this little seatbelt of velcro straps it in. It also always turns into an accidental Michael Jackson cosplay:
For those of you who don't know, I have a disease called De Quervain's Tenosynovitis where my thumb tendons get inflamed and I just can't move after overuse. I also tend to crack all the time. Literally, one breeze and I pop like a bag of popcorn 3 minutes in. It isn't even like some big accident that can do this to me. It can literally be just trying to move my avatar around on my Nintendo DS. That does it for me.
Things I cannot do: Hold a steering wheel, text on my phone, or even hold a cup unless I hold it like this:
Anything in which my thumb has to wrap around something is just out of the question.
It's incredibly painful and I essentially don't know what not being in pain feels like at this point. The only thing that really helps is heat, so I turn my heating pad up almost as hot as it gets and I just basically char the tendon until I can't feel anything. (This has not been recommended to me by anyone.)
Other suggestions that the doctor has given me is to massage my own hands... using my INJURED HANDS. WHICH HURTS THE OTHER HAND. SO THEN I HAVE TO MASSAGE THAT HAND. WHICH HURTS THE OTHER HAND. AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES. It's literally hell.
The only thing really to do is wait it out, but then I don't feel like I do anything all day except watching TV, and then I feel terribly about myself. Why do we have this society where taking a break is seen as lazy? I have had this disease since the 8th grade mainly because I couldn't exactly take time off from my hands to heal. Isn't that bullshit? I couldn't get better because I always needed to type papers or take notes in class. Or just drive a car? I don't even know what taking a month off from using my hands would even be like. How do you take a break when everyone is telling you you have to keep going and benefit society? What do I even have to give to society if I feel so broken?
I don't know. I'm in pain and this hurts. This was sad.
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